3 May 2012

Russians secret attempt at cloning first human being proves succesful. (Un)scientific evidence follows



I really loved this totally (not) scientific and (not) serious article appeared in the most recent issue of the well (un)known Scientia Morozombus Journal. But before entering into deatails and presenting you the great Russian achivement, let me say a few more words on the publisher of this (un)scientific Journal.

Here an extract of the well (un)knwon luminary's biography:
Morozombie was the unfortunate result of a collision between a Russian babushka and a yak herder in the exotic locale of Ulan Bator. He spends much of his time drinking vodka, thus provisioning himself with the daily calorie total of 591,158,508 calories needed to maintain his active lifestyle of harnessing the power of Magicke Most Evile (also known by the scientific name of "voodoo") for completely benevolent and innocent purposes.
Before going on with the (not so) seriuos discovery that will shake the entire scientific world, I highly exhort you to read the others instructive articles published by the above-mentioned luminary at MOROZOMBIE

But let's go back to the main subject of this humble post, that is reporting the achivement of these great minds. Dr. Morozombie claims that the path-breaking research and experiments of a special team of Russian scientists supports the claim that human reproductive cloning can be a boon to society. And indeed the FFKKR have reported their unprecedented success in the science of human reproductive cloning. "We have recently succeeded in the creation of several genetically identical copies of a human being - specifically, figure skater Evgeni Plushenko," said Dr. Valentin Piseev, one of the scientists involved in the scientific project.

It didn't come as a surprise that the figure skater Evgeni Plushenko, the 2006 Olympic gold medalist and 2010 and 2002 Olympic platinum medalist, was deemed the most worthy subject to be cloned by the members of the FFKKR, given his past successes and prowess in the sport. Lead researcher in the experiment Dr. Alexei Mishin remarked that "Evgeni Plushenko has a blond mullet, impressive arm-flailing ability and a natural affinity for upper-body posing - all important skills necessary for amassing top marks in the sport of figure skating. He is therefore the prime specimen for cloning if we are to have success in Sochi."

The 2014 Winter Olympics, that we know (not) to be a worldwide scientific exhibition where Countries makes their better specimens try themselves in phisical performances, will be held in Sochi, Russia. According to Dr. Morozombie, the FFKKR view their breakthrough in cloning Evgeni Plushenko as merely the first step in their plan to restore Russian national pride after the ego-bruising results in the last (un)scientific exhibition in Vancouver. As Dr. Piseev notes, "our research lays the groundwork for the development of new clones in the ladies field as well should either Adelina Sotnikova or Elizaveta Tuktamysheva live up to their promise, as well as cloning some judges to lend to other countries."

The 2014 Winter Olympics has still to come, so we'll have to wait to see the final results of the FFKKR's cloning. However, Dr. Morozombie has kindly provided some videos to show the progress of their clones so far:

Plushenchinski



Plushenkoronov



Plushenkush



Plushenkodulin



I thank Morozombie very much for his/her post because it cheered me up. I hope to have succeeded in getting a smile out of you, too.


PS: For people thinking it's propaganda against Plushenko, think not. If you're a reader of my blog you should know that I'm a great fan of Plushenko. The post was without malice, only intended to make fans smile.

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